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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to find out that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|